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5:14 pm - January 20, 2020
I saw you from the beginning
The 3-day weekend is winding down and that's a hard transition. Today we both agreed writing in a journal the daily minutiae is one way to build a foundation where gratitude can...can be. So here I am, trying this thing again. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS GOING TO LAST shouts a part of my brain but another part of my brain assures us, that is ok. Just do the thing at face value for now.

So the thing I am doing is writing about my weekend:

I just asked my husband what we did Friday night because I don't remember. He couldn't remember either. We both worked from home and he was really stressed out so I worked from the common area in our apartment building that day (I'm working on reframing my empathy so it's not painful for me but I'm not quite there yet. A work in progress. In the meantime I leave the room) I remember slamming my laptop shut a few minutes before 5:00pm CST, a small victory in my humble life. But I can't remember anything after that. Maybe we went for a walk? We must've eaten dinner. We probably played a video game.

I just wrote a whole paragraph about Lana Del Rey and then deleted it because I checked my work email and realized I made a mistake and I am really distraught. This feeling that I am stupid and I hate myself and I shouldn't be allowed to think thoughts. What do I do with this?


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